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.---o< Mil-NEWS >o---.

JUNE 2003 EDITION


HEADLINES

Considering the prevailing situation, Mil-Air has reduced its operations until further notice.

News about Mil-Air

Promotions

New Pilots

Mil-Quiz

Over to you

Mail to Mil-News

Mil-Air completed five years of operations

 


CONGRATULATIONS!

PROMOTED TO...

Senior Captain II - MA008 Brian Gomes, MA041 Stephen C. Mahan

Captain III - MA063 Maxan H. Boyd, MA011 Wilf P. Thomas

Captain II - MA026 Nicolaj Løfquist, MA071 Tenny G. Hughes, MA019 Carlo Frances, MA082 Jerry Kellner, MA087 Geoff Papanburg

Captain I - MA050 Tian Yodice, MA081 Hideko Ghosn, MA033 Norm Sicotte, MA090 Norman Paine

Senior First Officer - MA091 Craig Adwan

First Officer - MA039 Steven Klosz

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WE WELCOME OUR NEW PILOTS!


Mil-Quiz # 29


Over to You

 

Frequent flyer? Travel by air for vacations? Pilot, or wannabe?

* Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

* Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

* It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

* The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

* The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

* When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

* A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

* Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

* You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

* The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

* Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

* Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

* Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

* You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

* Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

* If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

* In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

* Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

* It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

* Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

* Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

* The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

* * *

* * * 

Actual Airplane Maintenance Log Book Entries

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem

(S) = Solution

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

 

You might be a freight dog if...

* * *

MODIFIED LANDING CHECKLIST

Brakes - Off

Slippers - On

Feet - Up

Mixture - Richer the better

Port - Decanted

Fire - Burning merrily

Turkey - Stuffed & eaten

Harness - Loose as possible

Lights - On trees

Palm Pilot - Stowed

De-icing - On cake

Partner - Set to standby


Note: We always welcome your feedback. For the benefit of other pilots please send your ideas, unusual flying experiences, advice, etc. We will publish them in future Mil-News editions.

Mil-Air always looks for new challenges. We want quality, not the quantity.

©Mil-Air 98-2003

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